Why supportive grandparents are so important to families

We adore our grandchildren. We share photos and tout their accomplishments. These may include some of their many “firsts,” such as their first tooth, their first day at school or making the team or the first ballet recital. It might be their first day of high school or moving into their college dorm. As little ones, we attach their drawings on our refrigerator and save their hand-made birthday cards. 

In 1979, President Jimmy Carter made sure that grandparents were honored and remembered by declaring the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day. This special day has three purposes: to honor grandparents, to give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their grandchildren and help children become aware of the strength, information and guidance older people can offer. 

In the U.S., roughly 70 million adults are grandparents. They are generous, spending $179 billion per year on their grandkids. 

If you wonder why we care so deeply for our grandchildren, it all began a million years ago in the plains of Africa, writes geriatrician Dr. William Thomas, the author of “What Are Old People For? How Elders Will Save the World.” “A mother gave birth to a hominid child after a long and exhausting labor. She barely had enough energy to nurse her baby and not enough energy to feed or care for her other children.” 

“A miracle occurred,” writes Thomas. “The maternal grandmother came to the rescue and intentionally shared her food with her grandchildren. It was a defining moment that created a new pattern of support that carried over to other families.” Humans are one of the species with grandparents who deliberately help raise their grandchildren. Orca whales and elephants do the same. 

This is relevant today as grandparents often are our unsung heroes. Almost one-third of grandparents live with their grandchildren under age 18 and are responsible for their care, according to U.S. census data. They often become primary caregivers because of their adult children’s divorce, drug addiction, teenage pregnancy and even death. 

I had the opportunity to speak with a few grandparents about the highlights of their grandparenthood. Here are some of their responses.

“I love being part of my boys’ lives in a way that was not possible for me raising my own children. That was when I had to balance my own work schedule with their schedules, when every minute was accounted for.” 

“I feel fortunate to have grandchildren. I just received a text from my 18-year-old grandson. ‘It’s time for us to do dinner together. I love you,’” he wrote. “That’s the best. My grandchildren make the world brighter and a more beautiful place.” 

“My grandchildren don’t live near me so every time we get together it’s a party. I was thrilled when my 18-year-old grandson in Italy was studying architecture. He had no idea that one of my careers was as a trained architect. It was a sudden joy. Now I have someone to give my architecture books.” 

Some mentioned the advantage of returning their beloved grandchildren back to their parents. But not all. 

“I love seeing my son in my granddaughters. It brings back memories of when my kids were little. It’s the joy of walking into a room and they are so excited to see you. You love them and then give them back to their parents.” 

“If they have a problem, I can step back. They just need to call me later and tell me they are OK. I don’t need to know about the ice pack, etc. I’ve done my job. Whatever they do, I don’t get myself in a dither.” 

“We are not responsible for their discipline. When they do crappy things, we can ignore it. I don’t worry about their manners or what they are wearing. We just have to love them unconditionally, even if they turn up with terrible clothes.” 

“I just love my interactions with them. My 10-year-old grandson interviewed me for a class project. And I talked baseball with my six-year-old grandson. He likes the Cubs; I like the Dodgers. Some grandparents want to give them back to their parents at the end of the day. Not me, I’ll take them and just want even more time with them.” 

Grandparents are an important influence – as guardians of family traditions, as a unique friend to grandchildren and as teachers and giver of gifts.

Let’s celebrate our beautiful treasures and savor our moments with them. 

Stay well everyone and know kindness is a way of life. 

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity