Successful Aging: What’s been learned from 60 years of friendship

Dear readers.

I rarely discuss my own personal experiences for this column. This week is different. Here’s the story and it’s about friends. I recently spent several days with two women with whom I went to college. We have known each other for 60 years since we were freshmen. (You can do the math.) All three of us are widows.

After experiencing wonderful marriages to fabulous men, each of us has carved out a life for ourselves, continuing in our careers; two recently retired. We discussed why we remained friends for so long a period of time. Yes, the college years were formative, but there was more.

Here are a few threads that have sustained our friendship:

We all are engaged with life. None of us is satisfied with the status quo either for ourselves or our community. We have a love of learning – from our book group, political commentators, lectures, travel, journal articles, friends and one another. We enjoy adventure and having a sense of freedom. We love engaging with the younger generation and enjoy leisure. We know ourselves well and don’t suffer from an identity crisis. We find each other interested and interesting. We care about each other and the world around us, wanting to make a difference. You might wonder in what way?

My friend who was the founder and principal of a school for the deaf started a foundation to test and care for babies with hearing loss. The other who was head of communications for a real estate investment management company is involved in expanding cultural activities in New York. Yours truly continues to advocate successful aging by writing, teaching, speaking and special projects. Each of us wants to be a legacy gift to our grandchildren as a positive influencer.

Here are a few threads that have sustained our friendship:

What do three women do and talk about with days of unstructured time?

Family: After updates about our children, out came pictures of grandchildren. Musical performances, visits to the playground, birthday parties, playing golf or a grandma trip to Seattle reassured us that our grandchildren were on the right track.

Movies and books: Who saw what? Of course, the two Ruth Bader Ginsburg films – “RBG” and “On the Basis of Sex” were discussed at length, with reference to our college days when the two professions for a woman was being a teacher or nurse. Then there was a discussion of favorite books and the exchange of titles.

The sites: We didn’t just sit around and talk. We actually went places. We visited the Musical Institute Museum in Phoenix – organized by continent, visiting just the North America room. We saw the original Steinway piano, Native American instruments and the history of hip-hop. We could hardly tear ourselves away from the 1960s videos of the Kingston Trio, Beach Boys, Chubby Checker and the Beatles. Taliesin West, the winter home of the noted architect Frank Lloyd Wright was spectacular. And then there was the Biltmore Hotel built by one of Wright’s proteges. Marilyn Monroe’s favorite swimming pool, Clark Gable’s guest room and a large chalkboard where one could write their bucket list were intriguing.

The important stuff: Makeup, sunscreen, lotions and potions were important to discuss. Then there was the debate of going natural gray or coloring your hair. Couldn’t forget the new orange sweater that was on sale and finding walking shoes that weren’t ugly.

Fitness: This was a big one. Each of us engaged in a fitness program. One walked a minimum of two miles daily and attended Pilates with a personal trainer twice a week. The other went to the gym every morning. After a hip replacement, she was walking the streets of New York in just five days post-surgery with a small support. Yours truly has a functional fitness coach twice a week and runs several times a week. We compared notes and expressed gratitude that we could do – what we were doing.

State of the nation and world: It was difficult to ignore this one. We discussed news of the day, compared our political perspectives and shared concern and hope for the future.

Here’s the takeaway: Relationships are important, particularly in later life. We know social isolation is a health risk, equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. So, let’s renew those relationships from the past and forge new ones from the present. Best friends do count in later life. And we don’t need many.